Cooperation over Winning — Clinician dialogue

Invite and obtain permission

Offer: "Would it be useful to explore cooperation over winning using an ordinary or fictional example? We can adapt it, observe, or stop." Ask what the person wants from the conversation.

Elicit before teaching

Ask: "How does this show up, if at all, in your own words?" Offer this idea tentatively: Relational goals can shift from ranking to workable cooperation. Ask what fits and what does not.

Guide the task

Rewrite a minor disagreement as a shared task, preserving each person's right to disagree. Ask for permission before giving an example. Use this fictional illustration if useful: Morgan and a housemate want different cleaning schedules.

Reflect and check accuracy

Reflect only what was offered: "I heard you describe ___. What did I miss?" Ask: What would cooperation look like without either person surrendering every preference? Avoid assigning motives or interpreting silence as agreement.

Respond to a mismatch

If the person rejects the frame, say: "Thank you for correcting it. What would be more useful?" Return to their language or choose a different approach.

Close with agency

Ask which observation, question, or support request the person wants to keep. Confirm a manageable ending and appropriate follow-up; do not turn a tentative possibility into a homework obligation.

Prompts for this resource

1. Readiness, permission, cultural context, and access needs to check:
2. What would cooperation look like without either person surrendering every preference?
3. What would tell me to adapt, stop, or seek supervision?