Infidelity recovery / INF-A04-3
Defining the Agreement Breach — Clinician dialogue
Guide a collaborative conversation about defining the agreement breach while checking fit and participant choice.
15 minutes · Clinician script · Mental health professionals
Fictional example: Lee and Quinn had different stated expectations about private contact with another person.
Use within your training and assessment of readiness. Betrayal concerns the actual relationship agreements rather than assumptions about one relationship model.
Invite and obtain permission
Offer: "Would it be useful to explore defining the agreement breach using an ordinary or fictional example? We can adapt it, observe, or stop." Ask what the person wants from the conversation.
Elicit before teaching
Ask: "How does this show up, if at all, in your own words?" Offer this idea tentatively: Betrayal concerns the actual relationship agreements rather than assumptions about one relationship model. Ask what fits and what does not.
Guide the task
Describe the agreement as each person understood it, what is known to have been breached, and what remains unclear. Ask for permission before giving an example. Use this fictional illustration if useful: Lee and Quinn had different stated expectations about private contact with another person.
Reflect and check accuracy
Reflect only what was offered: "I heard you describe ___. What did I miss?" Ask: Which agreements need clarification without excusing deception? Avoid assigning motives or interpreting silence as agreement.
Respond to a mismatch
If the person rejects the frame, say: "Thank you for correcting it. What would be more useful?" Return to their language or choose a different approach.
Close with agency
Ask which observation, question, or support request the person wants to keep. Confirm a manageable ending and appropriate follow-up; do not turn a tentative possibility into a homework obligation.
Prompts for this resource
- Readiness, permission, cultural context, and access needs to check:
- Which agreements need clarification without excusing deception?
- What would tell me to adapt, stop, or seek supervision?
Conceptual background
Integrative Model of Affair Recovery — American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Background on the approach only. Original exercises and wording are by More Than Therapy with AI assistance; the source does not validate or endorse these materials.