MORE THAN THERAPYTHE RESOURCE LIBRARY

MODULE 08 / 24 · Relationships · 15–25 MINUTES

Objective Effectiveness: DEAR MAN

Prepare a clear request or boundary while staying oriented to your objective.

Try the worksheet

Understand the skill

DEAR MAN organizes an assertive conversation: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce; stay Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate. Confidence can be calm clarity rather than a particular posture, accent, or style.

Practice step by step

  1. Describe the situation briefly and express how it affects you.
  2. Assert one specific request or clear no; explain a meaningful benefit of cooperation.
  3. Return to the request if the conversation drifts; use a prepared note if helpful.
  4. Consider acceptable alternatives, limits, and a safe exit.

TRY IT · SOLO OR WITH A GROUP

A practice activity

Request rehearsal: ask a fictional supervisor for a schedule adjustment. Practice the request twice, then revise it after respectful feedback about clarity.

Group option: Work from a fictional example for five minutes, rehearse or compare choices for five minutes, then discuss one useful adaptation. Pass, write, observe, or work alone.

Your practice worksheet

Writing is optional. Responses stay in this open tab and are not submitted or automatically saved. Closing or refreshing clears them. Avoid names or identifying details. Printing or downloading includes your words.

Use paper or discuss the prompts if you prefer.

Recovery connection

Rehearse asking a support person not to offer substances, or asking a program about scheduling and access needs.

Facilitator notes

Model a refusal as a possible outcome. Success is a skilled attempt, not guaranteed agreement.

Adaptation and care: Do not rehearse confrontation with someone who may retaliate without individualized safety planning.

Between-session practice: Choose one manageable situation to try this skill. Notice the context, what you did, and what helped or needs adjusting. An attempt counts as practice even when feelings do not change.

Background and sources

DBT skills concepts originate in Marsha M. Linehan's work. These are original More Than Therapy activities, not reproductions of official worksheets or endorsed materials.

References inform the skill framework; they do not validate these particular exercises. Life-structure modules are DBT-informed applications, not additional standard DBT core modules.