A useful conversation starts with a real choice to participate. Read this page separately or together. You do not have to resolve a disagreement today, and either partner may ask to stop.
How to use this page
Choose an everyday issue with low stakes. Avoid beginning with a frightening, dangerous, or highly charged event. Agree on a time when neither person is rushing.
Permission first
Ask whether now is a workable time, how long you both have, and which way of responding feels easiest. Spoken words, writing, or a supported conversation may work differently for each person. A pause is available to both partners.
One issue, two accounts
Describe the event you want to discuss without deciding what it proves about the other person. Your partner may remember it differently. Listening to their account does not require agreeing with every detail. Aim to understand one need before proposing a solution.
A shared stopping point
Choose a simple pause phrase and a time to check whether both people want to return. No one should follow, block, or punish someone for pausing. If honesty or saying no could bring retaliation, do not use a joint exercise; seek separate specialist support.
Reflection prompts
Use these questions in conversation, on paper, or in the downloaded PDF. You may adapt or skip a prompt.
- One thing that would make a conversation more workable for me